Confidence isn’t something that comes natural to most of us. Collective unconscious societal conditioning generally has us thinking that it’s vain, egotistical and selfish to be confident and put yourself before others. Let me say right up front, there’s a very big difference between being confidently self centred and not giving a toss about others, up against taking care of others and lacking the confidence to attend to your own self care.
I have clients who really struggle with this concept and quite frankly I used to myself. Having done a whole stack of personal development and accepted that not every person on this planet likes me or approves of me has been liberating and taken my confidence to a whole new level. Often when I ask clients if they could entertain the idea of giving every person on the planet permission to think what they like about thm, they become very uncomfortable. And so in exposing this deep need for external approval they are able to acknowledge they’ve neglected to approve of themselves.
The impact of this can feel like walking a tightrope of deception and fragility and completely lacking in confidence. Being dependant on other people’s opinions can influence a rollercoaster ride full of emotions. So when people say great things about us we feel fantastic, elated and loved up. On the other hand if we rely on others opinions and feel like we’ve not lived up to their expectations of us, it can create a downward spiral of pain, shame, anxiety and depression. Getting off the roller coaster can feel terrifying when we’ve put all of our self worth measures into the hands of others. But by making a conscious choice to do just that, to interrupt the rollercoaster ride, is in itself enough fuel to kick start your confidence.
And when you strip it all down to the bare bones, worrying about what people think about you and needing their approval is relatively easy to interrupt.
A mantra I often use in client work is “What other people think about me is their business. What I think about me, now that’s my business.”
You see, the intention behind this mantra is to give people permission to think whatever they like about us as we have no control over what they think about us anyway. It also frees you up to stop taking everything personal, and to take your power back. When you take your power back, you grow more confident in your own thoughts and feelings which becomes evident in your behaviours.
And guess what? You start to make more confident decisions. And the more you practice this, the more you trust yourself and your confident continues to grow and flourish. Believe me, the changes will be phenomenal.
The bottom line is, giving yourself permission to stop worring about what others think about you fuels your personal confidence campaign. It also requires you to connect your thoughts and feelings and to own your own behaviours.
Learn to forgive yourself like you forgive others. No one could possibly judge us as heavily as we have judged ourselves. And no one is perfect. If other people want to judge us, they will regardless to what we might think, say or do. Just remember “What other people think about me is their business. What I think about me, now that’s my business.”
Practice this for 30 days and see how you go. I’d love to hear about it!